THE PATIENT(Episode three)

Patient: Where did they take my son?

Psychiatrist: To sedate him but don't worry, he will be fine.

Patient: Are you sure? (Looking outside the room through a small glass window on the door).

Psychiatrist: Yes I am. We had to sedate him, (takes a deep breath) he wasn't in a good shape.

Patient: (Turns her head back to the psychiatrist) Could it be what I said to him, because I noticed his condition became worst after I made that statement.

Psychiatrist: What did you say?

Patient: (Takes a heavy breath in) I told him that I was tired of him and all his baggage and that he was stopping me from experiencing the life I wanted.

Psychiatrist: Yes, I believe that would have been the reason he was in such shape.

Patient: I didn't mean it, I was just so frustrated.

Psychiatrist: Well, people with Tourette syndrome can react more when things like words gets to them and the words you accidentally said, got to him.

Patient: What do you mean?

Psychiatrist: He senses that you are not happy with him and he feels bad about it. The only way he can let out the hurt is to allow those tics come out uncontrolled.

Patient: You mean his uncontrollable movements and actions?

Psychiatrist: Yes.

Patient: I caused that?

Psychiatrist: You didn't cause his uncontrollable movements or actions, you only aggravated the feelings. People with this syndrome normally exhibit or experience various conditions like Obsessive-compulsive disorder, learning disabilities, attention-deficit and hyperactivity disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, sleep disorders, anger-management problems and few other disorders to mention.

Patient: Yeah I know, my doctor told me all this.

Psychiatrist: Good.

Patient: But sometimes they just become too overwhelming to handle. Imagine your child having to grow with all this many disorders for fifteen years of their life. It doesn't just affect them, it begins to affect you. Watching my child lose control of his actions, being unable to relate with his peers, have bad grades that some schools even refuse his application letter, isn't something I can just come to live with. It's not as easy as it seems.

Psychiatrist: What about his dad?

Patient: Left me when I was few weeks pregnant. He claimed I got pregnant for someone else and not him.

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry...

Patient: and when I gave birth to my son, I thought things would be different, that he would have a change of heart but I was wrong. When our child started exhibiting this symptoms, it gave his father more reasons to deny him and me. He claimed that he couldn't produce someone as defective as his child (takes a deep breath). I have been with him all alone since then.

Psychiatrist: Any family members?

Patient: I have family members but not the ones interested in I and my son's well-being. They say that I gave birth to a defective child because I become pregnant out of wedlock and that it's my punishment from God.

Psychiatrist: They say that to your face?

Patient: Not really, only once or twice has that happened. Basically it's just rumors, you know, Mr A will tell Mrs B and then Mr C and somehow the words get to me. I am always at the receiving end to take it all in. I have reacted to them so much that I don't have the strength to react again.

Psychiatrist: You don't have to anymore. (Adjusts on the chair) what about his relationship with his friends in school?

Patient: The question should be whether he has any friends.

Psychiatrist: Does he?

Patient: None that I know of but I know that every teacher in his class has complained about him one way or another, mostly about reigning abusive words.

Psychiatrist: It's part of the side effect of the syndrome.

Patient: I know that, you know that, the doctors know that and few others but how many people will I keep explaining this things to. Should I tell everyone that meets my son that he is sick, it's so frustrating.

Psychiatrist: How about you, what's your relationship with your son?

Patient: I'm his mother, I love him.

Psychiatrist: Aren't you tired of all the things you have to go through because of him?

Patient: I am. Sometimes it gets to its peak and I just want to scream. But what can I do, he's still my son, I have to endure.

Psychiatrist: Okay, this is the part I want to talk about. Do you see your son as someone you have to manage?

Patient: Well not in that manner.

Psychiatrist: I want you to be real and true to yourself not just to me. You see your son as a load, as the punishment people say he is. That's the way you've always seen him.

Patient: It's not my fault...

Psychiatrist: I'm not saying it is.

Patient: Sometimes it gets so hard and I just can't stop the feelings neither can I stop myself from seeing him that way. I look at him and the only thing I see is his disease, I hardly see my child (sobs). I guess all this have affected the way I treat him to a great deal.

Psychiatrist: You treat him just like everyone else right?

Patient: (Sobs) I do, I do.

Psychiatrist: Nomatter how he is, he's your child. Even if the world mocks him because of his condition, he only wants the genuine love of a mother. He can't think that the world hates him and you hate him too.

Patient: (Sobs) I know, I have being a terrible mother right?

Psychiatrist: Not terrible, you haven't just accepted to love your son for the way he is. Somehow you are still trying to change him into a normal child, you haven't accepted that this is his normal.

Patient: Is it a bad thing to want normal?

Psychiatrist: No it's not.

Patient: Are you a mother? Have you ever felt like a failure as a mother because you didn't give birth to a perfect looking baby?

Psychiatrist: I just recently got married, I don't have kids yet. I want to give birth to perfectly healthy children, but if I give birth to a child that isn't perfect, I will try my best to make sure I don't allow my child think that the deformity is it's fault.

Patient: (Speechless and takes a deep breath).

Psychiatrist: Tourette syndrome is not as complicated as some other genetic disorders. It can be managed when it is well treated, and this treatment doesn't just come from the hospital, loved ones also have a huge role to play in the patient's life. The reason why it looks like your son isn't responding to treatment or getting better is because he is filled with anger, pain and regret. Somehow he thinks it's his fault he is the way he is. He feels bad that he's hurting you, the one he loves. He's angry at himself, at the world, and anger is not a good way to manage such syndrome.

Patient: You're right. I haven't really stopped to think of how my child feels or how I would feel if I was in his shoes. I have only thought of me and everything people have said. I haven't really considered that my child has feelings too, he has emotions because like everyone of us, he is human too (crys). I have hurt him, I have blammed him for his father's and my mistakes. I have made it seem like everything was his fault. My poor child, he has suffered rejection from everyside, even his own mother indirectly rejected him (increases voice pitch crying). Look at me thinking my son was the patient, I am.

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry ma'am, don't cry (moves closer to her patient and pats her back gently). You can still be the mother he longs for. You can still protect him from the world's rejection and teach him to have strong confidence in himself. He is still as alive as every one of us. Nomatter what people say or don't say, he is still your son, your pride, a gift from God.

Patient: I love my child so much. When I see him, I am going to apologise to him and hug him so tight. It's going to be the two of us against the world, until the world comes to respect him for who he is. HE IS NOT SICK.