This Is a little different story but funny enough to read. Enjoy and don't laugh alone.
This is the story of three friends who lived in the ghetto(local part) of Warri and faced the harsh alone.reality of life. They lived in a one room apartment (commonly called a face me I face you). Each one of them were graduate of the university. One studied Electrical Engineering, one studied Business Administration and the other studied Agricultural Science.
They all had their amazing sense of humour and different dreams. The Engineer wanted to be a comedian, the Agricultural science graduate wanted to become a singer and the Business Administration graduate, well that one had always wanted to be a space pilot.........
They all had been through the difficulties of life and promised themselves that no matter how hard life was, they would succeed.
Akpos - The Engineer
Awerosuo - The Business Admin graduate
O Tega - The Agricultural science graduate
*
In the cold night, were only the sounds of crickets could be heard, the three musketeers were crashing in their room. And suddenly.......
Awerosuo : Heh!!! Heh!!! Heh!!!
I tok am
I know say I go make am for dis life
O Tega : Wetin happen
why you dey shout like person wen dey come use for ritual?
Awerosuo : Abeg shut up
Enemy of progress
I be like person wen winch (witch) fit use for your eye?
Dey nor fit use me, only my face go ki (kill) dem
Akpos : o....o......o
who be that one wen nor wan (want) le me sleep for dis house
Wetin happen
(Akpos said with a red eye and a rumpled face)
O Tega : Nor be Awerosuo
e (he) just wake up dey shout as if dey don come for am
Awerosuo : Nor dey tak (talk) dat kind tin
Na you wan send dem for me
Akpos : Suo, why you dey shout anyhow na?
you sure say you well?
Awerosuo : Bros, nor be so
The kind dream wen I get nana (now now) ehn, I just know say my time to shine don come
Akpos : Wetin happen for the dream
O Tega : Bros, the tin (thing) wen go provoke me ehn, na wen Suo go come dey tok rubbish
I go forget slap for-in ( on his) face
Akpos : make we just hear am
Awerosuo : O Tega, you sure say you nor be enemy of progress so
Akpos : Suo, you nor dey tok (talk) again
(He said with his face looking really serious)
Awerosuo : Bros nor vex abeg
See ehn, you know I dey tell una ( you guys) say I wan be space pilot
O Tega : I tak am
Awerosuo : I dream say I don already be space pilot
I being dey carry astronaut wen don lost for space
Akpos : You nor see say you need help
Awerosuo : Bros I never finish na
Akpos : Abeg, good night
O Tega : Suo, wen day don break ehn, go ask dem for village wetin dey do you
( Akpos went back to sleep, O Tega left to urinate while Suo sat on the bed still thinking about the dream and talking to himself)
Awerosuo : all dis people, dey nor like person progress for dis house.
*
9:00 am in the morning, the day was as bright as ever. The three musketeers had yet again another adventure to explore. ( There was a knock on their door)
Fejiro : Who dey here
(kpokpokpo)
una still dey sleep
(Akpos stands up from the bed, heads towards the door while rubbing his eyes. He opens the door)
Akpos : Fejiro, wetin happen
you wan break the door
Fejiro : Nor vex
I just being wan tell you say the clothes wen una hang for rope don (has) dry
I wan hang my own
Akpos : So wetin you want make we do?
(He asked looking unconcerned)
Fejiro : Dat one na question
See ehn, if una nor want wahala for this compound
Make una go pack those clothes o
you dey ask anyhow question for dere
( she sighed as she walked away)
Akpos shuts the door and walks back inside the room
Akpos : Abeg make una wake
Who hang clothes for rope?
Make e go pack am o
Before that Fejiro pickin come cause trouble for here
I nor get that time for stress
O Tega : Na Suo hang clothes
Since Wednesday and today na Friday
Awerosuo :( Yawning and stretching on the bed)
O Tega nor start na abeg
This one na morning o
O Tega : You nor know say dis na morning before you dey wake person around 4:00 am abi
Akpos : Abeg ehn, before una fight
Who get clothes, go pack am
Awerosuo : Who Fejiro hep ( help)
If e wan cause trouble
I go tell am say my name na Awerosuo
Son of Urodigbovwe
O Tega : ( looks at Awerosuo in an usual way)
Guy come o, who your name hep
*
Akpos comes out of his compound, whistling a song and wearing a shirt, tie, trouser and a shoe that has been sown all over that even the shoemaker knows the shoe to be a regular ''patient''. He walks down his street holding a briefcase and still whistling a song. He sees a restaurant and stops......
Akpos : OMO!!!!!
Mama Juliet dey around o
Eh,........how I go take duge dis one na
If I tell am say I go pay e money later, e nor go hear word
All this women and their wahala sef
( Still talking to himself, he sees the woman coming out of her shop)
Akpos : Heh!!!!!!!! e dey come o
make I disappear
(He quickly followed another route)
*
( Close to the place Akpos teaches as a home lesson teacher, his phone rings)
Akpos : Awerosuo how far na
Awerosuo : I dey o
See ehn, the garri yesterday evening, you finish am
Akpos : Since na
you nor know before
Awerosuo : o....o......o
Which kind tin be dis one
Wetin human being go consume
Akpos : Ask O Tega for money na
Awerosuo : Dat one na human being
He ge (get) heart
Akpos : you nor wan chop be dat
Just ask am first
Awerosuo : I hear you
Akpos : Today ehn, you know wetin happen
Awerosuo : wetin happen
Akpos : I duge mama Juliet shop o
Dis women and their wahala sha
Awerosuo : Abeg leave me jhor
I dey H ( hungry), you dey disturb me with your unfortunate matter
Na me say make you go buy food on credit
Akpos : Which kind tak (talk) dey commot from your mouth now na
Na becos (because) you nor see garri chop
Abeg, we go see later
(He puts the phone back in his pocket and enters the building were he goes to teach)
*
In the busy road of Enerhen Junction, Awerosuo and O Tega walked along the road. They crossed the road and continued walking, each of them going to their separate place of work......
O Tega : Awerosuo!!!!!!! you nor dey look road
That trailer for just crash you nana
Awerosuo : I nor know na
When I dey H anyhow before
How I go see trailer
O Tega : you dey H abi
You for just stay dere na
Make the trailer complete d work
No more Space pilot
Awerosuo : Guy come, you know say I dey ask you if you be enemy of progress
Wetin be your own and my dream na
JOMAOTO (be careful)
O Tega : I hear you
Abeg dey go work
( O Tega stops at a corn joint to buy corn while Awerosuo stands looking at him and salivating)
Awerosuo : But Tega you know say you wicked sha
I tell you for house say I wan buy garri, you nor answer instead you wan use eye trowe ( fall) me
but na corn you dey buy for here
O Tega : The money wen you collect from me last week, were e day
Awerosuo: I tell Akpos say you nor get heart before.
*
Akpos : Joshua did you do your maths assignment
Joshua : Yes sir, but not all of them
Akpos : Why didn't you finish it?
Joshua : Because I didn't know everything, it was too hard and I was about to have a brain damage
( Akpos looked at the little boy in an usual way and murmured to himself )
Akpos : why you con dey shine eye for me. I go boil konk (hit) for your head nana. You nor fit do am and you nor fit ask your mama. You con dey speak English for here
Joshua : Uncle why are talking to yourself, are you okay?
Akpos : Yes I am
Joshua : Uncle your hair is too rough, you look ugly
Akpos : Joshua, is that how you talk to your senior
Joshua : I am just saying
I don't like the way you dress every time you come to teach me
And your shoes are disgusting
( Akpos gets angry and looses his temper. He walks to Joshua and slaps him)
Akpos : If dey nor teach you respect for house ehn I go teach you now
Joshua : MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!
Joshua's Mom : Akpos!!!! what is the meaning of this. What did you do to my son
Akpos : Na wetin you see
Joshua's Mom : This is just out of the line. You are fired.
Akpos : Sister abeg save your English make I heard word. I don commot already. See ehn if you nor train this pickin well, e mate go beat beat am for outside.
See you Joshua, dat slap wen I give you to small
(Akpos walks out of the house angrily)
( outside the compound)
Akpos : o.....o......o
dey charm me just now
I don loose my job be that o
( He said to himself looking really confused. Still lost in thought, he heard his name from a distance)
Mama Juliet : Akpos!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(He turned back, only to see the person he had been hiding from)
Akpos : Dey swear for me today?
( He started to run ) Nor vex I dey come back!!! Emergency. ( He screamed as he ran)
*
Awerosuo works in a little restaurant at Enerhen Junction as a sales boy. Today, for some reasons the place was full, meaning so much work load on him.
Patrica : Awerosuo abeg madam dey call you
Awerosuo : Wetin happen, I dey wash plate
Patrica : Nor ask me, go ask am
Awerosuo : I dey come
Awerosuo : Aunty, you call me
Aunty Ferro : You be tortoise wen dey wash plate smesme (slowly)
You nor know say customers dey wait?
Awerosuo : I dey wash dem na
Aunty Ferro : Abeg tell Judith make e continue and make you go give that bros for there (pointing to a guy on dreadlocks sitting) pepper soup
Awerosuo : Hot or cold
Aunty Ferro : Go ask your people for village dat question
Abeg commot from my front
( She pushes him from her way and walks away)
Awerosuo : Na only question I ask na ( talking to himself)
Awerosuo : Bros, your food
Customer : e go take una years to give person food chop
Awerosuo : Abeg nor vex
Customer : Abeg Abeg nor spit for my food
Awerosuo : ( Shifts back)
Nor vex.
Bros your money na 500 naira
Customer : Say wetin happen
How the money enter 500 naira
Awerosuo : I nor understand your question
You nor dey buy food for here before
Customer : My money na 300 naira
Awerosuo : Bros if you nor want make I disgrace you for here ehn, better appear 500 naira
Customer : come beat me collect the money wit (with) your black face
Awerosuo : Na me you dey talk to like that
( He slaps the man )
Aunty Ferro : Werosuo, wetin you dey do for dere (there)?
You slap customer, you wan spoil business for me?
Oya dey commot my shop
Awerosuo : You nor even ask wetin happen sef
Aunty Ferro : Dey commot (leave) from here
( Awerosuo removes his apron, throws it to the floor and leaves angrily ).
This is the story of three friends who lived in the ghetto(local part) of Warri and faced the harsh alone.reality of life. They lived in a one room apartment (commonly called a face me I face you). Each one of them were graduate of the university. One studied Electrical Engineering, one studied Business Administration and the other studied Agricultural Science.
They all had their amazing sense of humour and different dreams. The Engineer wanted to be a comedian, the Agricultural science graduate wanted to become a singer and the Business Administration graduate, well that one had always wanted to be a space pilot.........
They all had been through the difficulties of life and promised themselves that no matter how hard life was, they would succeed.
Akpos - The Engineer
Awerosuo - The Business Admin graduate
O Tega - The Agricultural science graduate
*
In the cold night, were only the sounds of crickets could be heard, the three musketeers were crashing in their room. And suddenly.......
Awerosuo : Heh!!! Heh!!! Heh!!!
I tok am
I know say I go make am for dis life
O Tega : Wetin happen
why you dey shout like person wen dey come use for ritual?
Awerosuo : Abeg shut up
Enemy of progress
I be like person wen winch (witch) fit use for your eye?
Dey nor fit use me, only my face go ki (kill) dem
Akpos : o....o......o
who be that one wen nor wan (want) le me sleep for dis house
Wetin happen
(Akpos said with a red eye and a rumpled face)
O Tega : Nor be Awerosuo
e (he) just wake up dey shout as if dey don come for am
Awerosuo : Nor dey tak (talk) dat kind tin
Na you wan send dem for me
Akpos : Suo, why you dey shout anyhow na?
you sure say you well?
Awerosuo : Bros, nor be so
The kind dream wen I get nana (now now) ehn, I just know say my time to shine don come
Akpos : Wetin happen for the dream
O Tega : Bros, the tin (thing) wen go provoke me ehn, na wen Suo go come dey tok rubbish
I go forget slap for-in ( on his) face
Akpos : make we just hear am
Awerosuo : O Tega, you sure say you nor be enemy of progress so
Akpos : Suo, you nor dey tok (talk) again
(He said with his face looking really serious)
Awerosuo : Bros nor vex abeg
See ehn, you know I dey tell una ( you guys) say I wan be space pilot
O Tega : I tak am
Awerosuo : I dream say I don already be space pilot
I being dey carry astronaut wen don lost for space
Akpos : You nor see say you need help
Awerosuo : Bros I never finish na
Akpos : Abeg, good night
O Tega : Suo, wen day don break ehn, go ask dem for village wetin dey do you
( Akpos went back to sleep, O Tega left to urinate while Suo sat on the bed still thinking about the dream and talking to himself)
Awerosuo : all dis people, dey nor like person progress for dis house.
*
9:00 am in the morning, the day was as bright as ever. The three musketeers had yet again another adventure to explore. ( There was a knock on their door)
Fejiro : Who dey here
(kpokpokpo)
una still dey sleep
(Akpos stands up from the bed, heads towards the door while rubbing his eyes. He opens the door)
Akpos : Fejiro, wetin happen
you wan break the door
Fejiro : Nor vex
I just being wan tell you say the clothes wen una hang for rope don (has) dry
I wan hang my own
Akpos : So wetin you want make we do?
(He asked looking unconcerned)
Fejiro : Dat one na question
See ehn, if una nor want wahala for this compound
Make una go pack those clothes o
you dey ask anyhow question for dere
( she sighed as she walked away)
Akpos shuts the door and walks back inside the room
Akpos : Abeg make una wake
Who hang clothes for rope?
Make e go pack am o
Before that Fejiro pickin come cause trouble for here
I nor get that time for stress
O Tega : Na Suo hang clothes
Since Wednesday and today na Friday
Awerosuo :( Yawning and stretching on the bed)
O Tega nor start na abeg
This one na morning o
O Tega : You nor know say dis na morning before you dey wake person around 4:00 am abi
Akpos : Abeg ehn, before una fight
Who get clothes, go pack am
Awerosuo : Who Fejiro hep ( help)
If e wan cause trouble
I go tell am say my name na Awerosuo
Son of Urodigbovwe
O Tega : ( looks at Awerosuo in an usual way)
Guy come o, who your name hep
*
Akpos comes out of his compound, whistling a song and wearing a shirt, tie, trouser and a shoe that has been sown all over that even the shoemaker knows the shoe to be a regular ''patient''. He walks down his street holding a briefcase and still whistling a song. He sees a restaurant and stops......
Akpos : OMO!!!!!
Mama Juliet dey around o
Eh,........how I go take duge dis one na
If I tell am say I go pay e money later, e nor go hear word
All this women and their wahala sef
( Still talking to himself, he sees the woman coming out of her shop)
Akpos : Heh!!!!!!!! e dey come o
make I disappear
(He quickly followed another route)
*
( Close to the place Akpos teaches as a home lesson teacher, his phone rings)
Akpos : Awerosuo how far na
Awerosuo : I dey o
See ehn, the garri yesterday evening, you finish am
Akpos : Since na
you nor know before
Awerosuo : o....o......o
Which kind tin be dis one
Wetin human being go consume
Akpos : Ask O Tega for money na
Awerosuo : Dat one na human being
He ge (get) heart
Akpos : you nor wan chop be dat
Just ask am first
Awerosuo : I hear you
Akpos : Today ehn, you know wetin happen
Awerosuo : wetin happen
Akpos : I duge mama Juliet shop o
Dis women and their wahala sha
Awerosuo : Abeg leave me jhor
I dey H ( hungry), you dey disturb me with your unfortunate matter
Na me say make you go buy food on credit
Akpos : Which kind tak (talk) dey commot from your mouth now na
Na becos (because) you nor see garri chop
Abeg, we go see later
(He puts the phone back in his pocket and enters the building were he goes to teach)
*
In the busy road of Enerhen Junction, Awerosuo and O Tega walked along the road. They crossed the road and continued walking, each of them going to their separate place of work......
O Tega : Awerosuo!!!!!!! you nor dey look road
That trailer for just crash you nana
Awerosuo : I nor know na
When I dey H anyhow before
How I go see trailer
O Tega : you dey H abi
You for just stay dere na
Make the trailer complete d work
No more Space pilot
Awerosuo : Guy come, you know say I dey ask you if you be enemy of progress
Wetin be your own and my dream na
JOMAOTO (be careful)
O Tega : I hear you
Abeg dey go work
( O Tega stops at a corn joint to buy corn while Awerosuo stands looking at him and salivating)
Awerosuo : But Tega you know say you wicked sha
I tell you for house say I wan buy garri, you nor answer instead you wan use eye trowe ( fall) me
but na corn you dey buy for here
O Tega : The money wen you collect from me last week, were e day
Awerosuo: I tell Akpos say you nor get heart before.
*
Akpos : Joshua did you do your maths assignment
Joshua : Yes sir, but not all of them
Akpos : Why didn't you finish it?
Joshua : Because I didn't know everything, it was too hard and I was about to have a brain damage
( Akpos looked at the little boy in an usual way and murmured to himself )
Akpos : why you con dey shine eye for me. I go boil konk (hit) for your head nana. You nor fit do am and you nor fit ask your mama. You con dey speak English for here
Joshua : Uncle why are talking to yourself, are you okay?
Akpos : Yes I am
Joshua : Uncle your hair is too rough, you look ugly
Akpos : Joshua, is that how you talk to your senior
Joshua : I am just saying
I don't like the way you dress every time you come to teach me
And your shoes are disgusting
( Akpos gets angry and looses his temper. He walks to Joshua and slaps him)
Akpos : If dey nor teach you respect for house ehn I go teach you now
Joshua : MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!
Joshua's Mom : Akpos!!!! what is the meaning of this. What did you do to my son
Akpos : Na wetin you see
Joshua's Mom : This is just out of the line. You are fired.
Akpos : Sister abeg save your English make I heard word. I don commot already. See ehn if you nor train this pickin well, e mate go beat beat am for outside.
See you Joshua, dat slap wen I give you to small
(Akpos walks out of the house angrily)
( outside the compound)
Akpos : o.....o......o
dey charm me just now
I don loose my job be that o
( He said to himself looking really confused. Still lost in thought, he heard his name from a distance)
Mama Juliet : Akpos!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(He turned back, only to see the person he had been hiding from)
Akpos : Dey swear for me today?
( He started to run ) Nor vex I dey come back!!! Emergency. ( He screamed as he ran)
*
Awerosuo works in a little restaurant at Enerhen Junction as a sales boy. Today, for some reasons the place was full, meaning so much work load on him.
Patrica : Awerosuo abeg madam dey call you
Awerosuo : Wetin happen, I dey wash plate
Patrica : Nor ask me, go ask am
Awerosuo : I dey come
Awerosuo : Aunty, you call me
Aunty Ferro : You be tortoise wen dey wash plate smesme (slowly)
You nor know say customers dey wait?
Awerosuo : I dey wash dem na
Aunty Ferro : Abeg tell Judith make e continue and make you go give that bros for there (pointing to a guy on dreadlocks sitting) pepper soup
Awerosuo : Hot or cold
Aunty Ferro : Go ask your people for village dat question
Abeg commot from my front
( She pushes him from her way and walks away)
Awerosuo : Na only question I ask na ( talking to himself)
Awerosuo : Bros, your food
Customer : e go take una years to give person food chop
Awerosuo : Abeg nor vex
Customer : Abeg Abeg nor spit for my food
Awerosuo : ( Shifts back)
Nor vex.
Bros your money na 500 naira
Customer : Say wetin happen
How the money enter 500 naira
Awerosuo : I nor understand your question
You nor dey buy food for here before
Customer : My money na 300 naira
Awerosuo : Bros if you nor want make I disgrace you for here ehn, better appear 500 naira
Customer : come beat me collect the money wit (with) your black face
Awerosuo : Na me you dey talk to like that
( He slaps the man )
Aunty Ferro : Werosuo, wetin you dey do for dere (there)?
You slap customer, you wan spoil business for me?
Oya dey commot my shop
Awerosuo : You nor even ask wetin happen sef
Aunty Ferro : Dey commot (leave) from here
( Awerosuo removes his apron, throws it to the floor and leaves angrily ).
*
O Tega works as a bus conductor at Enerhen Junction.
O Tega : Airport road! Airport road! Airport road!
Madam you dey go
Passenger 1 : Na 500 naira I get o
O Tega : Oya enter
Airport road! Airport road! one chance
Bros you dey go
Passenger 2 : I get 200 naira
O Tega : Enter
Driver : E don full
O Tega : Make we dey go
Passenger 3: Abeg close the door
O Tega : Your money for front
Sister you nor tell me say na 1k (1000 naira) you get na
Passenger 4 : Abeg nor vex
Passenger 5 : Why are you begging him?
He is a conductor
It's his job to look for change
O Tega : Bros, nor be you I dey follow talk
Passenger 5 : How dare you
What rubbish. Do you know who I am?
I will just call my friend who is in the army to bit you up
Passenger 4 : E never reach dat one abeg
Passenger 5 : It has o, it has
This little boy should know his limit here
He is just a common conductor, and has nothing to show for
O Tega : Abeg oga, nor insult me
Because I be conductor nor mean say you go fit tak to me anyhow
Passenger 5 : Your mama nor born you well
(O Tega moves closer to the passenger and slaps him)
O Tega : if dey born you well talk dat word again
Passenger 5 : How dare you slap me
O Tega : Abeg shut up make I hear word
Driver : Tega you high?
How you go dey slap passenger
Oya come down
O Tega : You nor hear wen e insult my mi-le (mother)
Driver : Come down na!!!!!!
O Tega : Since you don drive me, make I just complete my job na
( He gives the passenger three more slaps then gets down)
*
The three musketeers on their bed.
Awerosuo : OMO!!!!!!
Today sha
Akpos : I just tire
O Tega : Some people just dey carry vex person
Awerosuo : I dey H o
Akpos : Go drink water sleep
O Tega : So dey just dismantle us from workshop today (lost our jobs)
Akpos : You nor sure say we go enter village so
Make we go ask wetin dey do us
O Tega : Na tak be dat one
You dey listen to your self at all
Awerosuo : Na die I dey o
Make we go hustle food chop na
( Akpos and O Tega looks at Awerosuo in a way dat makes him shut up)
Awerosuo : Abeg nor vex
Browse in this time next week for another episode of this amazing comedy ''the three musketeers''. See how Akpos and co escapes a kidnapper's trap with their hilarious jokes and stunt.
Don't forget to leave a comment.
Coming real to you from TJ's blog.
Lolz.....dis is nyc😁
ReplyDeleteLool.. I can't stop laughing.. Nice one.. Love the pidgin
ReplyDelete